Chinese family culture

After my little daughter was born a few months ago, my parents decided to retire and come to the US to spend more time together with my family and take care of the newborn baby. In the past two months, I truly appreciated their sacrifices and efforts in babysitting, but I also witnessed them quarrel with each other once a while each week. I saw a snapshot of Chinese family culture in them.

The conflicts between my parents are mainly due to mis-communications. They love each other deeply. However, the way they express love to each other is pretty reserved. I’ve never witnessed them hug each other. When you talk with them, you not only need to understand what they are “saying” but more importantly are the implications in their tone and expressions, and what’s left unsaid . This causes confusion, and confusion causes misunderstanding, and misunderstanding causes conflict. Luckily, the next generation has embraced a more explicit and expressive communication style.

For the benefits of the next generation, my parents are willing to sacrifice everything they have. I still remember my father diving into the river to save my life when I was in junior high. In another incident, he injured himself when he was on the motorcycle with me and tried to shield me from a direct crash into a wall by extending his arms out against the wall. As I’m more self-reliant now, they have started pouring time and energy in taking care of the grandkids. Their profound love is priceless.

Whether we like it or not, the Chinese family culture has been a part of who we are. What we can do is to bring more awareness and embrace the good parts but also learn from its mistakes and flaws and turn the bad parts around.

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