The Power of Listening

Hello? Are you there? *Waves hand in front of face.*

I find this to be something that happens way too often these days when it comes to conversation. I believe listening is one of the easiest, yet hardest, skills to master. In a word full of distractions, bouncing minds and busy schedules, listening becomes a skill that is practiced less and less — not by choice, but because we have forgotten its importance. It is something that we do (or don’t do) so naturally that we forget it is a skill that can be practiced. So what is the power of listening, and why is it important?

From the earliest days of grade school, we learn that we must listen to our teachers, our elders and our peers. It is how we learn and grow as people. We must listen to the things we are taught, the advice our parents give us, and we must listen during conversations with others. However, the huge difference lies in the idea of “hearing” something vs. “listening” to something.

I can hear what anyone says. I can hear my mom as she gives me advice, and I can hear my teacher explaining the concept of social learning theory. These are just examples, but you get the point. The words come in one ear, are heard, and go out through the other. If you ask me for a well thought out response to what I heard or to recite what I heard at a later point, chances are I will not be able to do either. That is the problem with “hearing,” or what I call “modern listening.” I have been in so many situations with others where I feel they are hearing what I say, but have a completely different thought on their mind. They look at me as I am talking with a spaced, far-off look — maybe boredom, but mostly a lack of truly listening. Not to say I am any better than these incidents. I’ve caught myself in the same exact position on the other end of the conversation, and this is when I really start to realize the issue with “modern listening.”

These days, we accept hearing as listening. We live in a world that demands attention at all times, in all sort of ways. Flashing lights, bustling cities, our cell phones buzzing — sensory overload has taken over our power over listening. We become so distracted by all of these menial things that we have learned to “listen” in way that completely tunes the other person out. We nod, smile, agree and try to sound interested. But we aren’t actually listening. In reality, we are thinking about what’s happening across the street or on our cell phones.

In the same way, we tune people out because we are thinking about ourselves. We think about what we want for dinner, or what we need to do when we get home. In our ego-centric world, we focus so much on the self that we forget to take another person into consideration. So as they tell us about a great idea they came up with, we are thinking “do I want potatoes or carrots with my chicken tonight?” as we continue to nod and smile.

Distractions are killing our listening skills. At the end of the conversation, when it comes down to it, we haven’t learned anymore about what that person was saying than before we started talking to them. But we heard them, right? We showed signs of “listening” with the shakes of the head and the “yeah!” that we threw in. They could see I was attentive and contributing. So what’s wrong with listening this way?

“Listening” without actually listening will get you no where. Think about it. How can you truly contribute to a person’s idea, advice — whatever the subject may be — if you aren’t taking the time to focus on what they are saying and form a true, meaningful response. You may be thinking, “why should I take listening that seriously?” but truly think about it.

When you actually listen, you think. You have more to say than “yeah” or “same.” You expand your idea on a subject and can have a well thought-out, meaningful conversation. You may personally think about the subject later and try to learn more to grow your own knowledge. You may bond with the person you’re conversing with and form a great friendship, come up with new ideas and even change your mindset on something. The possibilities are endless.

The power of listening is more than just hearing someone out. It is personal growth. It is taking a break from distractions and being fully present, focused and attentive. It is fostering a relationship. Listening is the ability to drop all of the things that cloud our minds and demand our attention “now! now! now!” and say “you know what, I DO have the time to listen to this person fully and share my thoughts.”

At the end of the day, nothing will be as meaningful as your personal growth and relationship building. These are the factors that make us human. Listening will never be “easy.” As easy as it seems, it takes a lifetime of not actually listening to realize that fact. However, it is something that can be practiced. By being intentional and focusing your attention on true listening you can develop the skill. We all can have the power of listening. We all can truly hear one another. The question is, will you listen?

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